What's My Deal?

Okay. So, what's my deal? Why haven't I blogged since before Thanksgiving....and its March. I haven't been sure as to why. I've tried on several occasions to sit down and blog, and just could not do it. Why? Here is my theory.

Sometimes what is going on in life is to big to blog about, but also to big to ignore. So to blog about it is too overwhelming and to blog about anything else is heartless and cold. Is that clear as mud or what? That is my big philosophical conclusion. What does it mean? Not sure. But, I have decided to just blog about what has really been going on.

December, work is crazy, kids are crazy, life is crazy, I usually love it. Except this year my best friend for many, many crazy years, was having health problems. She went in for surgery on diverticulitis (no big deal, right?) Her husband called me crying when she was out of her surgery, it was colon cancer, at 32, with 3 young children. She spent Christmas in the hospital, and every time we talked it seemed like the news got worse. Level 2 to level 4, chemo every other week, to chemo, plus at home chemo every other week, and on and on and on. She's on treatment now, its going reasonably well. I love her, she's one of the strongest women I know.

Early February, love is in the air right? Father-in-law goes into the emergency room with chest pains. He's in great shape, active healthy, not over weight, doesn't smoke, it is bound to be nothing. The hospital hooks him up to an EKG-nothing, good news, but he can't pass a stress test. The heart cath shows 99% blockage in his front artery....he's a heart attack waiting to happen. The next day he has emergency bypass surgery. He is recovering beautifully. Praise God. He is an amazing man, and one of my heroes.

Late February, my beautiful 7 year old begins crossing her left eye into her nose involuntarily, it's nothing (this is what I keep telling myself) except it increases in frequency until one Saturday she is doing it up to 20-30 times per hour. The following Monday she sees her pediatrician, he orders a CT scan for that afternoon, as well as an EEG and an in depth opthomology appointment to be completed within a week. The CT scan is clear and the wait begins. As a mother all I can think is brain tumor, seizures, and every other scary term I've ever heard. I have to numb myself in order to breath in and out. My baby handles it all like the bravest of warriors. She doesn't cry during the CT Scan, acts like an adult during the EEG, and doesn't flinch for the opthomologist. I thought she wasn't even that worried, until the afternoon that I told her we were sure it was nothing, and that we were going to quit the tests. She laid her little seven year old hand over her heart and took a relieved breath. She had been terrified. Her eye has quit crossing in and the general consensus is that it was either a muscle tick or a virus that had settled in her eye.

Believe it or not in sharing what I have, many things have been left out. It has literally been 3 months of constant emotional chaos. God had been a life preserver we've held onto for dear life........

So that's it. That is why I haven't blogged and why I'm trying again. Hopefully I will do better in months to come.