I've never liked kaleidoscopes. They hurt my eyes. The chaos makes me uncomfortable. Looking at them makes me feel physically tired.Somehow, I've begun to feel like I have a lot in common with a kaleidoscope.
There are so many parts.....just like life.
All the parts don't always make sense by themselves. Black, green, purple, blue, orange.....
Work, problems, kids, marriage, church, friends, self...........
But they com together and make something that, despite my discomfort, is beautiful.
In the recent past, I spent at least a year in what I finally labeled a "mini identity crisis". After years of submerging myself in raising three young children, they were all in school. I had started a career, and had to end it. Martha Stewart housewife, definitely not my thing......I couldn't figure out what to do with myself..........
Then slowly, like the turning of a kaleidoscope, the picture began to change. I found a new job, one that allowed me to work within the field I am passionate about, as well as be with my children when they were home. I re involved myself in the kids' activities, under new labels, "cheer sponsor", "chauffeur", "counselor". The years I had spent investing in the development of my son took on a new dimension. My wonderful husband and I started relating in a new and even more wonderful way....... Oh yeah, and I remembered myself, not in the dark, self-involved, whats wrong with me way I had been, but just somehow, casually, bumped into myself along the road.
Oh....I remember you......didn't we know each other once?
What happened?
I'm not really sure. Yesterday I took a day off, a real one. I sat in a chair, watched Law and Order marathons mixed in with Paranormal State, and realized that I. Was. So. Tired. A good tired. The kind of tired that comes when you've been going hard and stop to catch your breath, and know that you will start right back up where you left off.
Not to0 long ago, I blogged about the difficult circumstances that we have been experiencing. That is the craziest part, life hasn't gotten any easier. I've just somehow come to terms with living it again.......
.....and even though it hurts my eyes, and the chaos makes me tired.....just like the kaleidoscope....
it is so beautiful.
