I have lived in the same house for nearly 13 years. I have hated it for at least 11 or 12 of those. It is old and impossible to ever be done renovating. I've painted every room in the old part of the house at least 3 times, and never gotten the desired effect. I have bitched and complained and wished and prayed for a new house. A couple of years ago we put a big addition on the house, and I liked it more, but it was still unfinished and I mentioned that every chance I got. So here's my problem, now it looks like we are going to have to sell this house, and I've realized that what I want more than anything is to live here.....forever. Seriously, I have fallen completely in love with this house, the old and the new, the unfinished and the finished, the thought of renovating it for another 13 years. I LOVE IT!!! I want to live here, die here and have my ashes spread in the back yard (okay, I might be pushing it now, but you get the idea). After all these years of complaining, hoping and even praying for a new house, I am praying for God to just let me stay in this one. I hope he doesn't confuse easily!
I can't imagine living anywhere else but I know in my heart that as long as I have Derek and the kids I'll be fine. (Didn't that sound exactly like what I am supposed to say?) The truth is I know that I'll be fine, but that doesn't stop me from having a near panic attack everytime I think about leaving this place. On my long list of things I feel like I've failed.......being greatful for this house will always be in my top 20. But whether I've failed on not, I believe that God cares about even little unimportant things like this house, and I intend to keep praying until they drag me out of it kicking and screaming.
4 comments:
"A house is like a stained glass window. It sparkles and shines when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, its true beauty is revealed only when there is a light from within."
~Adapted/Elizabeth Kubler-Ross~
My sweet friend, I can assure you with the knowledge of a person that thruly knows your heart, that whether you continue to make your home in your un-inspected, thrice painted, money pit, or you make you’re life somewhere new, the true light of your home comes from within…not the house you live in. That being said, I will be praying right along with you…and for that matter, I will help block the door when they drag you out kicking and screaming! Cas
Thanks Cas, you had me in tears (and you konw what a feat that is). I'll call you when I need the door blocked!!
dear hannah,
i actually know how to spell your beautiful name. now, let me introduce myself, my name is elizabeth and i am a lesbian who was inexplicably attracted to your blog page because of it's appearance. i am not sure exactly what aspect of it's appearance draws me the most...well it could be the word p.u.r.p.l.e....or perhaps the color itself. all that mixing of blue and red...red and blue...blue and re..oh, sorry i always get a little carried away when i refer to my color, my creed, the only color in my rainbow! PURPLE!!!!!
just kidding! i really hope mom doesn't read this comment because it might upset her. NOT! be sure she reads this okay?
love, me
Liz-HA!!!
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