Miscellaneous Ramblings

Yesterday, as I was dealing with some very difficult situations, God reminded me of his ability to use any circumstance to draw me close to him.

Update from yesterday: I made a list of goals. They aren't much, but it is a step in the right direction.

I have discovered the most amazing new hobby. Urban exploration....or looking at pictures and reading about other people's urban exploration. There is something amazing, creepy and surreal about looking at old abandoned buildings, theme parks, and homes.....especially the homes. Shells of a past existence, with little hidden reminders of the life once lived inside. I am going to find a way to write about this more extensively. I am researching these old houses on almost a daily basis right now, and every time I do, there is something about them that draws me in more......The house pictured above is call Mudhouse Mansion, it is in Ohio.

What is next?

Lets see, Derek and I drove to South Dakota (9+ hours) stayed one day and drove back (9+ hours) last weekend. We hosted a small group cookout for 25 people (small group?), on Friday......This may be part of the reason I haven't blogged, or at least it is going to be my excuse.

It is time to decide whether or not I should go back to work. Or maybe It's just time to become motivated again. To make some life decisions and plow forward towards a goal. It is time for me to take some risks, leave my comfort zone, and do something completely new, or at least something I can succeed in doing.

My heart is still in being a mom. The problem is (as previously blogged about), I am not a supermom. So what is next, no really I'm asking.....what is next? Any thoughts?

Sadiebug

MY BABY IS 6!!!!!!

What could be more fun than a new bikini, your best friend, a sprinkler, and mud......getting your ears pierced!!! Happy birthday to my baby....Sadie.

Transformers (more than meets the eye)

Transformers-my son saw the movie....sat through the entire 3 hours, and came home with his eyes the size of silver dollars, proclaiming that he had just seen the BEST MOVIE EVER!!!

Our church is doing a series on "Transforming Your Life" and it has me spending more than a little time contemplating such things. I have realized that everyone (not jut my son and his peers) are obsessed with Transformers. (My pastor, Robb, is obsessed with them too....but he also hears voices...I'm just saying.)

What is it about transformation that has our society so well....transfixed. Look at the reality shows. Extreme Makeover Home Edition. Extreme Makeover. What Not To Wear. 10 Years Younger and more. The idea that someone can take our poor pitiful selves (or poor pitiful homes) and turn them into something amazing, beautiful, younger looking, or brand new, invigorates us and quite frankly, I think, gives us hope. None of us (least of all myself) want to face the thought that we have come as far as we are going to, that we are done growing and changing or that this (right now right here) is all there is. So we see the transformations that are possible and hope that we too might be transformed. I would contend, however, that the transformation that we are all so obsessed with is actually caused by a much deeper need. The need for inner transformation. The need to know their is something greater than poor pitiful me and the mistakes I constantly make. The need for fulfillment and love and well.....peace.

As I have listened to the teaching on Transformation one thing has become abundantly clear. I am going to be transformed....the question is who or what am I going to let do the transforming.

I am not a loner!!!!

In a society filled with amazing single mothers I have made an important discovery.......I AM NOT A SINGLE MOM!!!!! I understand that under strenuous circumstances that I could pull it off.....but I don't want to try. My husband has been gone, working out-of-town, for 4 weekends in a row. That means that he has worked endless weeks, followed by LOOOOONG weekends of not seeing him or even speaking to him. Don't get me wrong I appreciate his willingness to work himself silly...but I have definitely discovered that single parenting is not a life style I want to try long term. This dawned on me about the time I decided to run away and join the circus, whch fell curiously close to the point at which my children were completely DRIVING ME CRAZY!!!

However, now that I have gone and checked on them (sleeping soundly in their rooms), and had 1...er maybe 2, (3), glasses of wine. I am remembering what complete angles they are and looking forward to tomorrow.....because that is when my husband comes home!!!!

I have a new and profound respect for these woman who do it all. And will proudly announce that I am not one of them!

A Real Man

As I look around at our society I realize that there are not many real men left. There are strong men, sensative men, metrosexual men.....etc. But I question how many are real men. Here's what I mean.

I know a man who can make you laugh until you cry. He cried when his children were born. He has worked his body almost to death to provide for his family. He has never threatened to leave his wife. This man has never called his wife a name. This man has coached T-ball and skipped with a line of purple clad players across the field in the name of "keeping it fun". This man has never turned down someone who needed his help. This man poured his body and soul into building his dream house.....and then got on his knees, telling God to use it for His glory.....even if that meant someone else should have it. This man has given up things he wanted, and needed, to provide Christmas presents for his children. This man has cried over his daughter's bad day. This man regularly drives in the middle of the night to pick up a child who changed their mind about a sleepover. This man slipped a rolled-up $100.00 bill to a young waitress because he knew she didn't have much money. He has loved the same woman for 13 years, even though she was sometimes unlovable. This man loves to talk to his kids on the phone. He taught his son how to pee in a uranal. He is my hero.

I have a real man.